Battle of the Swords
by Jason Kaminari
Summary: The battle where all your favorite video game characters come together to see who has the best sword! with a major twist into humor as well! (Includes new BotS Wallpaper! and an Encyclopedia on Characters, Weapons, Etc.)
1. IntroBattle Begins

Hey..Welcome to the first chapter, for the sake of consistency, I've updated it and reposted it with the new action indicators! Enjoy!  
  
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Setting: Aeris and Cloud at a bar, having a friendly drink with Sephiroth  
  
[Cloud, Aeris and Sephiroth are sitting on barstools at the counter]  
  
Aeris: [picks up her beer and guzzles it]  
  
Cloud: Whoa...Slow down  
  
Aeris: What's the point of slowing down? [picks up another and guzzles it down]  
  
Sephiroth: Whoa...At this rate she'll die of liver problems from Alcohol before I can stab her  
  
Cloud: Wha...?  
  
Sephiroth: Nevermind..just talking to myself  
  
Cloud: [raises a brow at Sephiroth, then looks down at Seph's sword]  
  
Sephiroth: [notices] You like my sword eh? It's better then that puny buster crap...  
  
Cloud: Leave my sword alone! [draws his sword]  
  
Sephiroth: [unsheathes his Masamune] Wanna go little man?  
  
Cloud: [stances] Bring it on  
  
Citan: [walks in with his sword drawn] We all know my sword is the best  
  
Cloud and Sephiroth: [eyes dart to Citan] Grrrr,,,  
  
Sephiroth: Just what my killing doctor ordered..more Victims...  
  
Aeris: [intoxicated] Wheee! Save the world! Pray Pray! Whee! Holy!  
  
Link: [appears holding the master sword] Mine's the best!  
  
Cloud, Sephiroth and Citan: [eyes dart to Link] ...GRR  
  
Crono: [falls through the roof and lands face flat on the floor]  
  
Everybody: [cringes]  
  
Crono: [stands up and unsheathes the Rainbow] My sword is the best!  
  
Cloud, Sephiroth, Citan and Link: [eyes dart to Crono] GRRRR....  
  
Luke Skywalker: [walks in with his lightsaber] We all know mine is the best!  
  
Cloud: My sword will becomes the busted sword if I try to beat that  
  
Sephiroth: My sword is gonna be called the minimune after it's sliced in half by that thing  
  
Link: My sword isn't feeling very masterful anymore....  
  
Crono: My sword is only going to have a 7% critical hit rate when there's only 10% left of the blade connected to the handle  
  
Citan: We all knew that somebody that is the best would come  
  
Luke Skywalker: [ignites his lightsaber, it's green blade shining bright, making that cool noise]  
  
Aeris: [still drunk] Ohhh...Perdy Light   
  
Luke: [holds his lightsaber high] Hail me! [all the sudden Luke's lightsaber DE-ignites]   
  
Luke: [panics, clicking the ignite button desperately] My batteries are dead! But the commercials said they kept going and going!  
  
Aeris: [runs around in circles] Keeps Going! and Going! and Going! and Going!...  
  
Cloud, Sephiroth, Citan, Link and Crono: [evil grin, and begin closing in on Luke]  
  
Luke: Yipes! [runs out of the bar]  
  
Cloud, Sephiroth, Citan, Link, and Crono: [chases Luke]  
  
Luke: [stops running] Wait a second! I have that certain power! [stops and turns to his pursuing enemies]  
  
Everybody: [skids to a stop]  
  
Crono: And what would that be?  
  
Luke: The force!  
  
Cloud: The force...it's everywhere at all times  
  
Sephiroth: it knows all  
  
Citan: It sees all  
  
Link: It's eternal  
  
Crono: they have something like that on Earth, It's called the Internal Revenue Service  
  
[a black van pulls up and a bunch of people in black suits and ties run up]  
  
IRS agent 1: All right the gig is up...  
  
Sephiroth: I admit it! I'm the one who keeps taking Tax Refunds every year claiming I have 23 children! [breaks down] It wasn't me! It was Jenova I tell you!  
  
IRS agent 1: Uh...We were here to take Mr. Force away [looks at Sephiroth crying]  
  
Sephiroth: [jumps up] Forget I said that  
  
IRS agent 2 + 3: [cuffs Luke and throw him into the back of the van]  
  
IRS agent 1: Let's go [locks the back doors of the van and all 3 of the IRS agents jump in the front and speed off]  
  
Citan: Now where were we?  
  
Link: I believe we were all at each others faces about to battle over who's sword was better at the bar  
  
Crono: OK let's continue from there!  
  
Everybody: [runs back to the bar and jumps into the exact same spot they were before Luke came in]  
  
Cloud: [glares at Sephiroth]  
  
Sephiroth [glares at Cloud and then turns to Citan]  
  
Citan: [glares at Sephiroth and then turns to Link]  
  
Link: [glares at Citan and then turns to Crono]  
  
Crono: [glares at Link and then to Cloud]  
  
Cloud: [looks around for Aeris, sees her take a quick sip of beer and then plays marbles with her white materia] .....  
  
Aeris: I'm gonna win this time! Whee! [drunkenly shoots the white materia at the marbles and misses completely as it rolls behind the bar to the tender's side]  
  
Cloud: [turns back to the rest of the sword gang] It's time...to find out who's the best  
  
Tune in next time to find out who will emerge victorious in the battle for the best sword! 


	2. BRING IT ON!

Welcome to the Second Chapter! There was some issues with the action indicators formely used, so we switched to [ ] instead! Hope you can get used to it!  
  
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Cloud, Sephiroth, Crono, Citan, and Link: [yell and scream and run at each other]  
  
Crono: HOLD IT! WHAT YEAR IS IT?  
  
Citan: It's the year 2000  
  
Crono: You mean lavos has already attacked the outside world? while we sat here in this bar..  
  
Citan: Uh..no..  
  
Crono: !!!!! [spazzes out] That lousy gesper, stupid keeper of time  
  
Cloud: [grins evily at Citan, flaring up with an Aura around him]  
  
Sephiroth:[charges up at Crono] You'll die easier than Aeris will soon..  
  
Cloud: [looks at Sephiroth] ...what?  
  
Sephiroth: [slashes Crono] Errr..you didn't hear anything  
  
Crono: [blocks the first slash with a turn of his wrist and immediately retaliates with a vertical slash]  
  
Sephiroth: [reflects the blow, swords clanging as blade meets blade]  
  
Citan: [looks at Cloud boredly, tapping his foot in an invisble rhythm] Anytime now..  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah! OMNISLASH! [raises his sword at citan, his aura flaring up about him]  
  
Link: [stabs Cloud in the back while he's busy about to do omnislash, and laughed]  
  
Cloud: Gah, I knew that this omnislash thing wasn't a good idea [falls to the ground, clutching his back as pain  
echoed throughout his body]  
  
Sephiroth: That was cheap link!! [charges at link, flying like a bullet]  
  
Cloud: [laying on the floor groaning loudly in pain] Sephiroth..having morals? Oh man, I must've been hit really hard  
  
Link: Sephiroth! Prepare to die! [spun around, sending his weapon through Sephiroth's mid section]  
  
Sephiroth: [gets cut in half and dies, in a spasm, his arm tosses up his sword, which lands stabbed into the ground]  
Ahh!  
  
Link: Hahahaha! [dashed over to citan quickly] I am... [performing a quick slash at Citan]  
  
Citan: An idiot [effortlessly counters the blow, knocking Link's sword back, and followed through with another slice]  
  
Link: Shut up old man [as Citan's arm flew down to deliver the blow, he slashed his other arm's tendant] I am Invincible!  
  
Citan: [clutches his wound for a moment, before slamming his sword down into link's shoulder]  
  
Crono: [dashed over past Link and Citan, holding out his blade to slash both of them in a line] Both of you shut up!  
  
Link: [getting slashed to heck, and he was weakening, yet would never admit] I'm still alive, I'm invincible!  
  
Citan and Crono: [a stare down began, before the two dueled visciously]  
  
Link: yes time for another cheap shot! [flew towards them, as if he weight nothing] I am invinc--[his foot caught on Cloud's body and tripped him up, sending falling flat on his face] GAH!  
  
Cloud: [regained his composure and laughed from his spot on the ground] So much for that invulnerabiltiy huh? [and he kipped to his feet, ready to fight once more]  
  
Crono: [stared as cloud for a moment, before dismissing Citan] I've got a bigger fish to fry! [ran toward Cloud and fell over Link]  
  
Cloud: that is what I call the Domino effect! [bent his knees and leaped into the air, landing on the other side of the fallen, and flared at Citan]  
  
Citan: [saw cloud running towards him, and as a last resort, did an amazing twisting backflip over Cloud]  
  
Cloud: [lifted the Buster Sword up and sent it down towards Citan, who seemed to be gone, and cloud's sword hit nothing]  
  
Citan: [completed his amazing acrobatic stunt and landed upon Crono and Link] Aha! Who's the old man now?  
  
Link and Crono: [both of the men moaned painfully as their bodies were crushed]  
  
Crono: [decided to make his move and stood up, throwing Citan off balance and causing him to fall onto Link] raaahh!  
  
Link: [let out another moan of despair under Citan's whole weight now]  
  
Aeris: [finally finds her white materia and crawls over to her marble circle, shooting it again drunkly, and watching it roll away]  
  
Crono: [dashes at Cloud and leaped over a white orb rolling by, and crictical double slashes Cloud's sword, breaking it in half]  
  
Cloud: Gah! [held his hand in disbelief, not from pain] This is not my day!  
  
Crono: [laughs cockily in a defiant gesture] Hahaha! I'll do what Link failed to do! Kill Cloud Strife!  
  
Cloud: NEVER! [glanced desperately back at his blade] C'mon Cloud use your head use your head heh..use..my head...[bent at his waist and rammed his blond spiked hair into Crono]  
  
Crono: Ughhh! [the hair penetrated his skin, amazingly, and he fell motionless to the ground, but his voice was active] That's not a sword  
  
Cloud: eh ..it's close enough [he shrugged with a chuckle]  
  
Citan: [finally stood up and flipped off Link, charging at Cloud after standing, and jumped to the side as Crono fell back in his trajectory, and continued towards his prey]  
  
Cloud: [backflipped and landed about ten feet from Citan]  
  
A voice from nowhere: Use the sword, Luke...er I mean Cloud.  
  
Cloud: What the heck?  
  
A voice from nowhere: You heard me, use the sword!  
  
Cloud: I don't have the buster sword, it's busted! and he's coming at me! [watching Citan close in on him]  
  
A voice from nowhere: Oh..right. Use this then! [The Ultima Weapon appears in front of Cloud, floating, light shines down on it, holy music plays]  
  
Cloud: [picks up the Ultima Weapon, light dissapears, music stops]   
  
Citan: [both hands weilding the blade, he sent a powerful blow towards Cloud]  
  
Cloud: [dodges with a quick leap, and then slashed down at Citan]  
  
Citan: [Cloud's valiant efforts became oblivious as Citan jutted his leg out into Cloud's gut, knocking him backwards]  
  
Link: [after a long rest, began to stir, finally he became vertical again] haha! I'm still invincible  
  
Crono: [also stood up after less injury and dusted his tunic off] not today link! [and madly sprinted at him]  
  
Link: [brought his sword up to his shoulder and sent it flying down towards Crono]  
  
Crono: [returned fire with his own attack into link's weapon, the clash was so hard that both swords break in half] ....  
  
Link: [almost weapt as the master sword was split and tossed the handle and stub away, and retreated to Sephiroth's sword plotted into the ground, removing it from it's stake]  
  
Crono: [backs away slowly in fear, he was defenseless] NOO! Is this the untimely end of Crono?  
  
Link: [raises the Masamune,and slashed diagnolly down into Crono] Yes! Two kills for Link!  
  
Mysterious Voice: No, Only one [steps out into the shadows revealing himself as Sephiroth]  
  
Link: Ahh! You're back from the dead!!  
  
Sephiroth: [kicksed harshly at Link's hand holding the masamune, causing it to fly into the air]  
  
Link: [held his beaten hand shakily in disbelief]  
  
Sephiroth: [caught the masamune by the handle and pointed it at Link] I knew those mako freak clones would come in handy  
  
Link: [glanced to Sephiroth as if he still wasn't sure his existed, and drew the hylian shield to defend himself] No, you're dead..  
  
Sephiroth: Can a Dead man do this?! [his sword cut through the air, the shield falling into two]  
  
Link: [dropped his useless shield and started running]  
  
Sephiroth: [being in much better shape from so much killing, he was much quicker and gave chase, catching up to Link]  
  
IRS Agent: Did you know there's a tax on Clones? [looks at sephiroth]  
  
Sephiroth: ....You're still here?...   
  
IRS Agent: Hey, Where is your 23 kids?!  
  
Cloud and Crono and Citan: [they all stared at sephiroth]  
  
Sephiroth: ..uh..at a daycare!  
  
IRS Agent: 23 kids at a daycare?!  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah! [pushes the IRS agent onto his ass and sped after link] Stop wasting my time  
  
Cloud: [rolled his eyes at the antics and focused back on Citan, sending an attack his way]  
  
Crono: [stuck out his sword to block the blow] Why did I just stop an attack against my enemy? [looks confused with himself]  
  
Citan: [shrugs, stabbing Crono]  
  
Crono: [falls down to the ground, breathing heavily not to mention bleeding heavily]  
  
Cloud: [slashes Citan's sword to the side and stabs him with his pointy hair]  
  
Citan: [falls down on Crono]  
  
Link: [flies by cloud causing Cloud to spin around]  
  
Cloud: Whoa...dizzy [spins around]  
  
Sephiroth: [flies past Cloud also, causing him to spin more]  
  
Cloud: uhh..I not feel so good [throws up on Crono and Citan]  
  
Aeris: [watches Link and Sephiroth fly by] *hiccup* Whee! Follow the leader! [runs after them]  
  
Sephiroth: [catches up to Link and slashes the back of his knees]  
  
Link: [falls to the ground] Let's call it..a draw?  
  
Sephiroth: I don't think so [stabs Link through the chest, the Masamune coming out the other side of Link's body]  
  
Link: [falls down not moving]  
  
Sephiroth: [slides the Blade out of Link's body] ((Look familiar to anyone?))  
  
Sephiroth: [smirks at Link, turning away] I'm the best  
  
IRS Agent: [catches back up with Sephiroth finally] Clone tax!  
  
Sephiroth: AHHHH!!!! [runs like hell]  
  
Cloud: [kicks Crono and Citan] get up  
  
Crono: [gets up weakly, punching Citan, who is still on the floor]  
  
Citan: Cheap! [flips up slashing Crono]  
  
Cloud: Shut up! [spins around slashing them both]  
  
Crono: [gets slashed by Cloud]  
  
Citan: [block Cloud's slash since he still has his sword]  
  
Sephiroth: [dashes towards Citan, slashing him three times, caushing his clothes to have a "Z" in them] I am Zorro!  
  
Cloud: uh...no..  
  
Sephiroth: well I figured we both dressed in black you know?  
  
Cloud: Uh..no  
  
Aeris: [grabs the IRS agent and pulls him down] You looking for a good time?  
  
IRS Agent: No, I'm looking for Mr. Sephiroth..father of 23, you seen him?  
  
Aeris: [looks at the IRS agent] Sephiroth...*hiccup*..has issues  
  
IRS agent: How old are you miss?  
  
Aeris: I'm 22  
  
IRS agent: Where's your designated Driver?  
  
Aeris: [points at Citan] He's there  
  
Sephiroth: [slashes Citan's neck, causing him to fall down and slowly bleed to death]  
  
Aeris: Nevermind..  
  
Cloud: [flares up in an Aura] OMNISLASH! [raises his sword and slashes Crono tons of times]  
  
Crono: [gets slashed hundreds of times and falls to the ground]  
  
Sephiroth: I don't like that move...Promise never to use it ever again.. [looks nervously at Cloud]  
  
Cloud: Huh?  
  
Cloud: [glares at Sephiroth, gripping the Ultima weapon tightly]  
  
Sephiroth: [smirks at Cloud, slicing the Masamune in the air]  
  
Aeris: [looks at Cloud and Sephiroth, swiggin' another beer, and walks up to Cloud, her hair all messy, and her dress torn] do I look fine to you cloud?  
  
Cloud: Uh..You look great Aeris..go sit down  
  
Aeris: Now this, is the good stuff [opens a bottle of some liquor and drinks it]  
  
Mysterious Voice: It's this way, I know it is  
  
Aeris: [cringes] Ok, that wasn't the good stuff [chucks the bottle behind her]  
  
Mysterious Voice #2: Just shut up and let's go  
  
Both Mysterious Voices: [enter the bar]  
  
Cloud and Sephiroth: [turns to the door, looking to see who it is....]  
  
Will Cloud beat Sephiroth?   
Who are these mysterious new people?   
Will the IRS agent ever find Sephiroth?  
Will the Ultima Weapon be any match for the Masamune?  
Why is Aeris so tipsy?  
Will I ever stop asking these annoying questions?  
Tune in next time... 


	3. New Arrivals

Last time We were here, the whole gang was..well.....not so much of a whole gang anymore, with Link, Citan, and Crono...removed (in the least possible macabre terms) . Only Cloud (having the support of Aeris the drunk) and Sephiroth (who has an IRS agent following him around trying to indeit him) were the only ones left. But mysterious people were about to come into the bar..let's continue on  
  
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Cloud: [he turned his head, the spikey hair flailing in the air] The hell..?  
  
Sephiroth: [he turned as well, pushing Cloud back slightly, who regained balance] No..It can't be  
  
Cloud and Sephiroth: OH MY GOD!! THEY'RE FROM THE SEQUELS! [in a state of panic]  
  
[Both watch as Squall..and Seifer walk into the door]  
  
Squall: This is the place..the place on the card [to Seifer] It took us long enough  
  
Seifer: I told you that shortcut was a bad idea...  
  
Squall: That was your idea...idiot [smirked over at him]  
  
Seifer: [ignores Squall] I thought this place would be bigger [sneer] And look who it is...it's the prequel boys.. [comment directed towards Cloud and Seph]  
  
Cloud: What're we going to do? They're better than us!  
  
Sephiroth: Don't worry..I heard the sales of the game were horrible compared to most Final Fantasies! and the plot wasn't half as good as ours! [He laughed his maniacal laugh, clutching the Masmune]  
  
Cloud: You're right Sephiroth..You've been right about a lot of things...Your next drink is on me! [sheathing the Ultima Weapon and sitting down upon the bar] Have a seat buddy..  
  
Sephiroth: I'm your mortal enemy retard. [prods at him gently with the end of the Masamune]  
  
Cloud: Uh..oh yeah...I'll pay for your tombstone.. [gets up and unsheathes his Ultima Weapon, standing in a battle pose again, then knocking the Masamune away with his blade]  
  
Sephiroth: Fair enough. [he drew back slightly, as if expecting Cloud to strike any moment, but turned to see Aeris]  
  
Everyone (except Aeris): [turn to watch Aeris move towards the newbies]  
  
Aeris: [she made her way over to Squall, very slowly in fact, as she seemed to weave like being sowed by god] Hey..big boy  
  
Squall: [he looked down at his card, then at Aeris, and then he shook his head] The girls go downhill with the part of the neighborhood  
  
Aeris: [being a bit off, but still intelligent at the least] Heeeey...I'm not a slut..I've only slept with him...[pointed to Cloud]  
  
And..him..[she pointed to Sephiroth, Cloud gasps]  
  
And him...[she pointed to the bartender, Cloud clutches his heart]  
  
and him! [she pointed to Seifer, Cloud just shrugs]  
  
Squall: [he turned to Seifer, a dark brow being raised]  
  
Seifer: Whoa..I just got here with you man...don't ask me!  
  
Sephiroth: What? I never slept with you...did I? Oh..It's all a big blur to me!!!!  
  
Aeris: Yes..you remember [as the Bartender, Squall, Seifer, and Sephiroth, AND the IRS Agent gather around her] You started to kiss my neck. and then you took me to your room, and we went into your hot tub....and you got out a---  
  
Cloud: That's enough! [interrupting Aeris]  
  
IRS Agent: Heh heh heh..yeah Sephiroth...you scored..heh heh  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah.. I did!  
  
IRS Agent: I have to um...go to the bathroom for a few minutes [his eyes shift around, then he runs off to the men's room]  
  
Cloud: Sephiroth...for sleeping with my Aeris..you must die! [he charged over to Seph, holding his Ultima Sword in hand]  
  
Sephiroth: For Aeris sleeping with Seifer..you must die Cloud! [he charged at Cloud, bringing back the Masamuné---stops---shrugs---and continues running]  
  
High-pitched voice: No Sephiroth..you cannot!! [a sudden clang was heard, and Sephiroth fell to the ground]  
  
Seifer and Squall: [Both raised brows]  
  
High-pitched voice: [steps into the light, wearing a green tunic and carrying a wooden shield and a small sword] T'is I..Link..back from the past!  
  
Squall: You know...where I come from..they have this movie called "Back to the Future"  
  
Child Link: NO! I did not say "Back to the future", I said back from the past! [grumbles]   
  
(NOTE: Younger Link will furthermore be referred to both Link and Child Link, same character)  
  
Squall: It's the same really.  
  
Child Link: [he pouted over at Squall] Would you disagree with this face?  
  
Seifer: Kid..don't you know anything? We're hardasses with little emotion from the future..sheesh..  
  
Squall: Yes [he added in] As far as I'm concerned, you are a sorceress...I'm in SeeD..you must die  
  
Child Link: Idiots. I'm a guy.  
  
Aeris: I'm a guy! No I'm not! [she stumbles off into the corner, possibly to continue searching for her white materia]  
  
Child Link: Anyway..I'm here to avenge my older self! Sephiroth will pay! [he charges over to the fallen Seph, holding his Kokiri blade]  
  
Sephiroth: [he shot up and held out a hand, putting it against Link's forehead, keeping him a few good feet from him]  
  
Child Link: Grrr..you meanie! [swiped his sword harmlessly out of range]  
  
Squall: Heh...[he tucked his card into his pocket, and swung up his gunblade, the Lionheart]   
  
Seifer: [drew his gunblade up as well, dashing next to Squall]  
  
Cloud: [make a quick step towards Seifer, and leapt into the air, coming for a downward slash]  
  
Seifer: [he parried the blow with his own blade, then took a slash towards Cloud's aerial body]  
  
Cloud: [returned with his own block, causing himself to be propelled into the ground, he grunted and stood up]  
  
Sephiroth: [seeing his arch nemesis off-guard, he let go of Child Link and dashed off towards Cloud]   
  
Seifer: Women and Children first! [he dashed toward Link, arcing his gunblade down at him]  
  
Child Link: [turns around and slams his fist into Seifer's crotch]  
  
Seifer: [keeled over, holding himself] For the love of god!   
  
Child Link: I'm a kid..I can break the rules! [he ran off holding his sword and shield in defensive position]  
  
Squall: [seeing Cloud open as well, he moved in for the kill]  
  
Cloud: [took notice of both of the people running at him, and quickly stepped out of the way]  
  
[Sephiroth and Squall collided, sword against sword, growling at each other as they pushed, trying to overpower the other]  
  
Sephiroth: You're not Cloud!  
  
Squall: You're right..I'm not! [as if he had an epiphany, and both turned to Cloud]  
  
Cloud: [he ran to both of them, sliding down to his knees as he came next to them, holding his weapon out to allow it to slash across their legs, then jumping to his feet]  
  
Sephiroth: [clutched his legs for a moment, then fell to the ground, convulsing in pain]  
  
Squall: [stood there for a moment, then leaned over, pulling out a Bible, a cut through its cover, from his left pants leg, and in the right, the book of mormon] Hehehehe...  
  
Cloud: Why would anybody keep religious books in their pants?! [shook his head as he made a charge towards Link]  
  
Squall: [whispered quietly outloud] They don't let you have religion in Final Fantasy games..so I hide them. [he tossed the two books aside, and went on with the battle]  
  
Child Link: [having been freed from Sephiroth's restraining hold, he took to his vendetta again with a dash at Seph]  
  
Cloud: [he lowered his sword down, read to cleave Link's neck as he ran by]  
  
Child Link: [having great agility as a child, he ducked the blade of Cloud, and slammed a fist into his crotch]  
  
Cloud: [fell over and clutched himself as well]  
  
Seifer: [relatively near Cloud] You too?  
  
Cloud: Yea.... [falls over, clutching himself with his legs spread, obviously in pain.  
  
Seifer: It never stops..the pain.....but I..must go on! [he stood up finally, grasping his gunblade handle as tight as he had been holding himself before, and took a run at Link] I'm gonna kill that kid!  
  
Child Link: AIEEEE! [made his mad rush at Sephiroth, running right past him] Oops...[he turned around and ran back the other direction just as quickly, bringing his blade down towards Seph]  
  
Sephiroth: I can't move, it's the en-Wait a second, I can float! [he telekinetically lifted himself into the air]  
  
Child Link: Ahhh! [he slid down onto a sliding kick position to go right beneath Sephiroth]  
  
Cloud: The pain, it's gone! I'm better! [he sat up, leaning over to pick up his sword]  
  
Child Link: [he slid along the floor, slamming his foot into Cloud's now unprotected crotch]   
  
Cloud: Oh my god! [he fell over, clutching himself again] It never ends... why don't you just kill me? End my life! I can never have children again! [the lights dim..a spotlight on Cloud, laying there] There is no hope for me, my eternity damaged. My body wrecked... [the lights reverted, action started]  
  
Child Link: [he got up and scarmbled away as Seifer came running at him]  
  
Seifer: [he began to slide to a stop, going directly at Cloud's crotch again] ....Uh..  
  
Cloud: [his eyes widened as Seifer came running towards him, and leaned up, just as Seifer was about to reach him, and punched him square where the sun don't shine] ...Crisis Averted  
  
Seifer: [collapsed onto the floor] Crisis Iminent!  
  
Cloud: [he got up and looked over at Seifer, sneering] You wuss, take it like a man.  
  
Squall: Yeah, Seifer. [he stood there, and then made a rush to Link] Try your best  
  
Child Link: [whipped around and stood there for a moment, then shoved his fist into Squall's crotch]  
  
Squall: [stood there, unharmed]  
  
Child Link: [shook his hand] Owwie...  
  
Squall: [pulled out the FF8 Strategy Guide from his pants] Ahahahaahahahahaha..  
  
Sephiroth: [floating and raised a brow] That's nothing religious!  
  
Squall: Sure it is..It tells my future, may as well be! [he delivered a vicious blow to the arm of Link with his GunBlade]  
  
Child Link: [he cradled his flesh for a moment, glancing up at Squall] Hey you big meanie!  
  
Sephiroth: Ahahahahaha...Now for the second Link [he levitated over towards the injured child, raising the Masmume overhead]  
  
[the bathroom door is heard opening and closing]  
  
IRS Agent: Now I remember...YOU! [he ran over to Sephiroth, tackling him down to the ground] You are a tax fraud!  
  
Sephiroth: No..I swear!  
  
Child Link: [he scurried quickly away, towards Cloud and Seifer]  
  
IRS Agent: ha! 23 children...tell me their names...  
  
Sephiroth: Well, there's Rufus, and Vincent, and Tifa, and Yuffie, and Cait Sith, Cid, Barret, and Little Seph, and let's not forget President ShinRa.  
  
IRS Agent: Why would anybody name their kid President ShinRa?  
  
Sephiroth: Nobody knows his real name..they never mention it!  
  
[several sword clangs are heard in the backround, suddenly Cloud goes sliding past them on his back, soon Seifer, Squall, and Link go running past]  
  
IRS Agent: You're not his father?!  
  
Sephiroth: How many times have I said this?! It's Jenova..Jenova I tell you!  
  
IRS Agent: This Jenova eh? I'll check on her. [he dropped Sephiroth and ran from the bar]  
  
(Don't worry loyal fans of the IRS..he'll be back)  
  
Squall: I've got you now! [he slammed his gunblade towards Cloud]  
  
Cloud: [pushed up his blade to block it, and then exerted enough force to knock Squall back]  
  
Seifer: [he dashed past Squall, sending his GunBlade into his shoulder]  
  
Squall: [he held his shoulder, as blood began to leak, then shrugged it off]  
  
Aeris: [she came over to Squall] Here..lemme help you with that..  
  
Squall: No way..I'm a big boy.  
  
[snickers were heard from Sephiroth, Cloud, and Seifer. Link just stood there confused]  
  
Aeris: I know..I know..why don't you come with me? [she took of hold of him and began to pull him away]  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Will Squall score?  
Will Seifer get jealous?  
Will Cloud even care?  
Has Aeris been drinking more without us knowing?  
How many times can Link hit somebody in the crotch before it gets old?  
Should I find something else to do besides ask these stupid questions?  
Tune in Next time..! 


	4. LINKin' Time

Last time we were here..Squall was dragged off by Aeris. Very nice, well, looks like it's time to get this Fanfiction into X-rated materials..Just kidding!  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Aeris: [leads Squall over to a table] So...what kind of women do you like? [sat down intently staring over at Squall]  
  
Squall: Well...I like sorceress' with magical powers. [he looked over at Aeris]  
  
Aeris: how about Ancients? do you like ancients?  
  
Squall: You're ancient? you're telling me!  
  
Aeris: Hey..I'm not ancient..I said I am an Ancient.  
  
Squall: What's an ancient?  
  
Aeris: Well..um..nevermind [she wandered off, leaving Squall there alone]  
  
Squall: Eh....I guess this would be a pretty convenient time to take a leak...[he went into the bathroom]  
  
Sephiroth: [he was levitating peacefully now, seeming to be in a deep meditation] The flood shall come when the stream is released.  
  
[Echoes are heard from the bathroom] Ahh..It's all over my hands!  
  
Sephiroth: [he sighed, turning his head to Seifer, as if seeing him, regardless of his eyes being closed] I see great pain in the future.  
  
Seifer: Whose future?  
  
Sephiroth: The nut will succumb to the nutcracker [Sephiroth nodded knowingly, eerily silent and calm]  
  
Seifer: [gasp] NOOO! [he laughed and pointed at Sephiroth]   
  
Sephiroth: Beware the ides of your pants, the nut will succum to the nutcracker.  
  
Seifer: Thank you Soothsayer... [sarcastically]  
  
Cloud: [he suddenly took notice that nobody was fighting whatsoever, he knew he had to take action] I should do something..but when? and with what? to who?!  
  
Aeris: [she moaped over to Cloud] Honey, do I like ancient to you?  
  
Cloud: No. Please don't interrupt, I'm trying to think of something....when...with what...to who?  
  
Aeris: now is generally good  
  
Cloud:...Yes..now...but with what? [his eyes shifted]  
  
Aeris: Your sword [she chirped in happily]  
  
Cloud: Yes..my sword..but who?  
  
Aeris: [on a roll] Cloud Strife!  
  
Cloud: Yes...I will kill Cloud, with my sword, right no-HEY..I'm Cloud! [He looked over at Aeris with a glare]  
  
Aeris: Don't ask for my help again.. [she pouted and wandered off to the ladies room] I need to find a mirror..  
  
Cloud: [stood there bewildered] I really need to dump her...  
  
Child Link: [took a run at Cloud while he was distracted, kokiri blade in hand]  
  
Seifer: [he suddenly stepped in front of Link, snatching his sword from his hand] Hehehehehe...Look what I've got little Link!  
  
Child Link: heey..gimme it back!  
  
Seifer: Gonna have to get it [he held it about shoulder length high]  
  
Child Link: Hey...gimme! [he jumped up, and barely missed it] Gimme it back! [jumps again] Gimme! [jumps again] Gimme! [jumps again]  
  
Squall: [runs over to Seifer, wiping his hands on his pants] Quickly Seifer! Read this schedule! I found on the men's room wall! It says "The Links will break"..and there's more!  
  
Seifer: Not now..What touches us ourselves shall be first served..I'm enjoying this [he grinned, amused by Link's constant jumping]  
  
Squall: Delay Not! Read it instantly!  
  
Seifer: Let me do what I want..[he pushed Squall away, continuing to tease Link]  
  
Child Link: C'mon [kept jumping up and down]  
  
Seifer: Gotta reach it [he held it lower for him]  
  
Child Link: [leapt up to grab it, but Seifer pulled the blade up, causing him to miss] .......   
  
((Does anybody else see where this is going?))  
  
Seifer: Hehehe...Aww..Link's too short and can't reach his sword..he's so cuuu-  
  
Child Link: [slams his fist into Seifer's crotch]   
  
Seifer: ......... [crumples, dropping Link's sword]  
  
Sephiroth: The nut has succumb.. [calmly still]  
  
Child Link: [picked it up] Yaay!   
  
Cloud: [another realization occured, once again, nobody was fighting, he ran over at Squall]   
  
Squall: [quickly picked up his gunblade, and returned the favor, swinging it at Cloud]  
  
Cloud: [quickly parried the blow, only to turn around and swing at Link]  
  
Child Link: [ducked down and slid under Cloud, coming up next to Squall]  
  
Sephiroth: I see great pain in the future... [he said once more]  
  
Seifer: God no....not again. [moaned loudly from his place on the floor]  
  
Sephiroth: Not you..for Link and Cloud! [he suddenly lanced off from his levitating position]  
  
Child Link: [he turned his blade into Squall's leg]  
  
Squall: [he stepped back to dodge the blow, then pushed past Link and Cloud, ignoring them both as he ran at Sephiroth]  
  
Cloud: [he tripped down Squall as he ran by]  
  
Squall: Ahh...[fell down next to Seifer]  
  
Sephiroth: [he floats in front of Cloud] Hahahahahahahahaha.. Die Strife! [he swings his masamune blade quickly down]  
  
Squall: [stands back up, knocking Sephiroth over] I'm better.  
  
Sephiroth: [falls backwards onto his head] ughh...  
  
Cloud: [lets out a sigh of relief]   
  
Child Link: Don't think you're out of it yet. [he tossed himself towards Cloud]  
  
Seifer: [suddenly lifted his leg up, connecting it into Link's crotch as he ran]  
  
Child Link: [goes down..moaning]  
  
Seifer: Somebody HAD to do that. [he gripped onto his gunblade, glancing over at Cloud and Squall] Ready or not..here Seifer comes! [he ran up towards the back of Cloud]  
  
Cloud: [he ignored Seifer, and flared up in an aura] Meteorain!  
  
Squall: [also ignored Seifer, and flared in his aura] Meteora-I mean..Blasting Zone!  
  
Cloud: [his aura dispeled and he flipped up...meteors hailed down from the slashes of his sword in mid-air]  
  
Squall: Shit.....[his aura dispeled, and he held up his gunblade, a whole beam emitted from it, blasting a large hole in the roof]  
  
Bartender: Oh thanks...I've been needing to get a skylight [mumbles and rolls his eyes] (([gasp] The Bartender can talk!))  
  
Squall: [ignored the bartender as well, and shot the beam down into Cloud's meteors, annihilating all of them, also his concentrated blast nailed Cloud]  
  
Cloud: [was knocked back off his feet, flying into the incoming Seifer] Ughhh....  
  
Seifer: [hit by Cloud]  
  
Both: [flew back into the wall, landing against it, collapsing onto each other on the floor]  
  
Aeris: [wandered over to Cloud and Seifer, poking them both] Heeelllooooo? [she pulled out a bottle of scotch from her pocket, and engulfed the entire liquid portion within] Hehehe [she took a hold of the unconscious Cloud's hand, and stuck it upon Seifer's butt]   
  
Child Link: [glanced over upon Aeris, Seifer, and Cloud, wondering what in the world was going on]  
  
Sephiroth: [he stood up finally, chargin over at the confused Link] Prepare to DIE!  
  
Child Link: [he whipped around and saw Sephiroth coming at him, and pulled out his Ocarina]  
  
Sephiroth: That won't help you now...it's a sword fight boy! [his arm arced back, getting ready to strike Link]  
  
Child Link: [he put the instrument to his lips, playing a soft tune]   
  
Sephiroth: [he approached Link, bringing up his arm forward]  
  
Child Link: [put down the instrument, and suddenly was engulfed in white wings, dissapearing]  
  
Sephiroth: [he slammed through nothingness, his blade following through to stab into Aeris]  
  
Aeris: NOOO! [she cried out]  
  
Cloud: [awoke quickly and looked over at his hand] ..... [then glanced up towards Aeris] NOOOOOO! I haven't had a chance to dump her!  
  
Sephiroth: NOOO! It's not supposed to happen until the end of Disc 1! We're not even on Disc 0!  
  
Aeris: [collapsed down and laid motionless upon the ground]  
  
Cloud: [he looked over at Aeris for a brief moment,then lifted her body into his arms] Aeris.....  
  
Child Link: [re-appeared behind Cloud] I'm sowwie...  
  
Cloud: You'd better fix this.. [he turned over to look at Child Link]  
  
Child Link: I know just the thing [he picked up his Ocarina, and put it to his lips]  
  
Seifer: [he hopped up and looked over at the kid] What's going on?  
  
Squall: [he wondered over next to Link and Seifer] Yeah...really.  
  
Child Link: [he played another soft melody, suddenly a blue aura erupted about him]  
  
Seifer: Hey..Lemme see that! [he snatched for Link's Ocarina]  
  
Squall: [he grabbed a hold of Seifer's arm] You idiot! Don't take it! He's trying to hel-  
  
[Link, Squall and Seifer dissapear, and fly through a vertex of blue]  
  
Squall: Whoa..Seifer...did you take drugs again?  
  
Seifer: You idiot...Why would my drugs effect you?  
  
Child Link: You guys really did it now..  
  
Squall: [shrugs]  
  
[They suddenly drop back onto a dark street, directly into a dumpster, they got up and looked around]  
  
Squall: where are we?...ugh ..my head [he stood up, climbing out of the dumpster]  
  
Seifer: Heeeellp...  
  
Child Link: I dunno...  
  
Squall: [glanced back into the dumpster, seeing Seifer covered in what appears to be Burger King food]...Oh my god..you poor man [he pulled Seifer out of the dumpster]  
  
Child Link: [he climbed up out of the dumpster, barely] Oh thanks for helping..  
  
Seifer: I know..they could've at least had McDonalds food! I mean..I'm the stupidest person, and even then I know McDonalds is better. [he leapt out of the dumpster] Where's our gunblades?  
  
Squall: They must not have come back with us..where are we?  
  
Seifer: It looks like we're a few blocks from the bar..I remember looking down this alleyway when we walked by.  
  
Child Link: You guys walked? heh..I just used the song of soaring.  
  
Squall: Shut up...look what happened you used that stupid song..you killed Aeris  
  
Child Link: [looked down slightly] But I fixed it..  
  
Seifer: How long does it take to get there?  
  
Squall: I don't know...I'm not Psychic. [he looked down at a card in his hand, the other held his gunblade] The card says its only a few blocks away...  
  
Seifer: What the hell? I didn't say that  
  
Squall: Neither did I.  
  
Child Link: Um....oh boy [knows exactly what's going on]  
  
Seifer: Did you hear something Squall?  
  
Squall: I don't think so..  
  
Squall: SEIFER! [he whispered loudly] It's US.  
  
Seifer: US?! We're back from the future! [jumped up and down giddily]  
  
Squall: What's going on down there? [he wandered down the street]  
  
Squall: Shit..back in the dumpster! [quietly]  
  
[Both Squall and Seifer climb back into the dumpster]  
  
Squall: LINK! [he grabbed Link and pulled him in, closing the lid]  
  
Squall: [he walked down the alleyway, glancing around, gripping onto his gunblade] Nothing..  
  
Seifer: [right behind Squall] Yea...  
  
Squall: You suck Seifer.  
  
Squall: ?  
  
Child Link: [surpresses giggles]  
  
Seifer: Hey Squall...if you want a piece of me..anytime! [he turned to face Squall, holding up his gunblade]  
  
Squall: I didn't say anything you looney! [shrugged his shoulders]  
  
Seifer: Heh heh..good one squall.[snickers]  
  
Seifer: ?  
  
Squall: What's going on here? [glancing around suspiciously]  
  
Seifer: You're an idiot that's what.  
  
Seifer: ?  
  
Squall: Let's get up and take 'em by surprise. [quietly]  
  
Seifer: Okay...One...two..three [quietly]  
  
Both: [jump from the garbage dumpster] AIIEE!  
  
Seifer: Oww..my head [rubs his head, he had just jumped into the lid]  
  
Squall: oh great..thanks for blowing the element of surprise....[glances down into the pile of trash] LINK, You're supposed to help..  
  
Child Link: Um..no thanks.  
  
Squall: [turns around and looks at himself] AHHH!  
  
Seifer:[does the same] AHHH!  
  
Squall: [can't help himself] AHHH!  
  
Seifer: [shrugs, and goes along with it] AHHH!  
  
[they all stand there screaming, Child Link covers his ears]  
  
Squall: Give us those gunblades  
  
Seifer: Never!  
  
Seifer: Yes!  
  
Squall: We'll just have to take them by force [he glanced over at Seifer, giving him the nod to go]  
  
Seifer: Just give them the gunblades Squall  
  
Squall: Okay.. [he began to hand his over]  
  
Seifer [knocks Squall in the head] Idiot..I didn't say that!  
  
Seifer: Just give them the gunblades Squall  
  
Squall: [hits Seifer on the head] Idiot..It's not going to work now!  
  
Seifer: just take them Squall! [he swings his gunblade into Seifer]  
  
Squall: We should really try to work things ou-[he looks over at Seifer, then shrugs] Ahh well...[slammed his gunblade into Squall]  
  
[Both Squall and Seifer fell to the ground, Squall's card slipped from his pocket]   
  
Squall: [bended over and picked up the card, looking down at it] What is this?  
  
Seifer: [dumping the bodies back in the dumpster] What is what?  
  
Squall: Nothing.  
  
Seifer: Exactly....Nothing at all...we never saw anything or heard anything..  
  
Child Link: no..but I did... [he waved to Seifer from inside the dumpster]  
  
Seifer: Kid..what're you doing in there? [he pulled Link out]  
  
Child Link: Um...I eat garbage? [shrugged]  
  
Squall: [pushes Seifer aside, taking and putting Link down] Kid..you going somewhere?  
  
Child Link: Well there is this bar a few blocks away..  
  
Seifer: A kid going to the bar..what's up with today's children? [he shrugged]  
  
Squall: What are you talking about? We're only seventeen..SHHH [he walked out back onto the street] This guy had the same card as me.  
  
Seifer: Eh, there's no point in wasting energy carrying TWO cards.  
  
Squall: You're right [he dropped the card, which landed on the street]  
  
[Link and Seifer followed him onto the street]  
  
Seifer: [he looked back] Hey..there's a van coming.  
  
Squall: Maybe we can get a ride..we lost a lot of time with these idiots...  
  
[Squall, Seifer, and Link leap onto a passing van as it drives by, holding onto the handles of the swinging doors in the back]  
  
Squall: Hey..this is an IRS Van..  
  
Seifer: [shudders] Yeah..weird.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Yes..That left you a bit intrigued didn't it? heh heh. Now for my annoying questions:  
  
What's going on?  
What was the whole double Seifer and Squall thing about?  
Is Squall good on his taxes?  
Has Seifer been claiming he is blind?  
Is Link old enough to even do taxes?  
Does Cloud even care?  
Tune in Next Time! 


	5. Past REloaded

BoTS is BACK! Last time, Squall and Seifer had traveled back in time with Young Link to correct his mistake of killing Aeris. But Squall and Seifer from the future (chapter 4) met an untimely end when meeting up with their past forms (chapter 1.) Young Link is taken along anyway, and they hitch a ride on an IRS van.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
[the IRS van suddenly came to a hault, causing Young (Child) Link, Squall, and Seifer to lurch foward, barely holding on]  
  
Seifer: What's going on?  
  
Squall: Shut up, they probably know I missed form 47A-3 (Author's note: Those of you who read chapter 4, there's your answer to the third question!)  
  
Seifer: That's your tax refund!  
  
Squall: ......Dammit, I choose not to do ONE page....  
  
Seifer: Will you shut up?  
  
Young Link: Yeah..shh  
  
Squall: ["Stars and Stripes" plays, Squall jumps off the back of the truck, the others follow] Only in America.....can your government give you 1000 tax forms...  
  
Squall: only in AMERICA, are you free enough to walk across the state line with a duck on your head [he walks to the side of the road]  
  
[Young Link and Squall follow, just as they do, agents pop out of the back of the truck]  
  
Young Link: Actually, that's illegal in Minnesota. [blinks]  
  
Seifer: quiet Link, just let him have his moment. [puts his hand over Young Link's mouth]  
  
Squall: [raises his hand to the air] Only IN AMERICA! can you see every race, and ethnic group together!  
  
Squall: ONLY IN AMERICA, can you cheat your taxes and still get screwed over by the government when they don't even know it yet!  
  
Seifer: [holds back a tear] That's beautiful man...  
  
Young Link: Okay, okay, can we just hurry up and g--[suddenly interrupted]  
  
Sephiroth: I admit it! I'm the one who keeps taking Tax Refunds every year claiming I have 23 children! [breaks down] It wasn't me! It was Jenova I tell you!  
  
[Squall, Seifer, and Young Link walk around the van]  
  
Seifer: Geez Squall, this guy is worse than you  
  
Squall: [runs up to the IRS agent, and slumps down in front of him]] I DID IT! I STOLE A PEN FROM THE POST OFFICE. A-A-AND I DIDN'T FILL OUT FORM 47A-3! [he starts crying, pulling out a pen as well]  
  
IRS agent 1: Uh...We were here to take Mr. Force away [looks at Sephiroth and Squall crying]  
  
Sephiroth: [jumps up] Forget I said that  
  
Squall: [stands up, whistles, glances askew for a few brief moments, then nonchalantly slides the pen into his pocket]  
  
IRS agent 2 + 3: [cuffs Luke and throw him into the back of the van]  
  
IRS agent 1: Let's go [locks the back doors of the van and all 3 of the IRS agents jump in the front and speed off]  
  
Citan: Now where were we?  
  
Link: I believe we were all at each others faces about to battle over who's sword was better at the bar.......[trails off as he sees Young Link]  
  
Young Link: ME! You're okay! [began to run towards Link]  
  
[Sappy music plays, The two links began to run at each other]  
  
Link: Kid that looks like me! [bounds]  
  
Young Link: MEE!  
  
Link: YOUUUU!  
  
Young Link: ......MEE!  
  
[Suddenly Link is hit by a truck]  
  
Young Link: SHIT! NOT AGAIN!   
  
Citan: [he moves past everyone, to Link, who's laying on the side of the road now] Get back I'm a doctor.  
  
Cloud: Doctor of what?  
  
Citan: Oh pretty much everything, I've even handled schizophrenia cases. especially with Id  
  
Sephiroth: Cloud! Finally, somebody we can see for Family Counseling!  
  
Cloud: ................................ [backs away]  
  
Sephiroth: What? You didn't know we were clones, we're brothers man!  
  
Cloud: ..................... [backs away further]  
  
Sephiroth: SHIT! I ruin everything!  
  
Crono: Yes, you do..  
  
Citan: [checking Link's vital signs] I'm afraid he's......dead  
  
Link: No, I'm not assfuck. [sits up]  
  
Citan: ....[slams Link's head against the sidewalk before anybody notices]  
  
Young Link: Oh god why! [kneels down next to his older self]  
  
Citan: it's true..Link is dead.  
  
Cloud: Can I have that tunic? I think green looks good on me.  
  
Sephiroth: This is Final Fantasy 7, no bright colors.  
  
Cloud: ....Final what?  
  
Sephiroth: oh crap, why do I always do that?  
  
Seifer: Final Fantasy 7??! How can it be the seventh final fantasy? doesn't final mean last?! How can you have more than one?!  
  
Squall: QUIET! We're from Final Fantasy 8  
  
Seifer: Crap.....don't tell me that. [bites his lip]  
  
Young Link: [still wailing] I'M DEAD..I'M DEAD! AGAIN!  
  
Citan: [he stood up, leaning against the handle of his sword] Here lies a great man, sure he wore spandex, and sure he wore a skirt, but are any of YOU man enough to do that?  
  
Sephiroth: Oooh oohh! CLOUD IS!  
  
Cloud ........?  
  
Sephiroth: DAMMIT! AGAIN! [begins hitting his head against the nearby wall]  
  
Crono: HEY! Don't do that!  
  
Sephiroth: [he looks over at Crono, dropping the Masamune] SOMEBODY THAT CARES! THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED! I'M DONE WITH EVIL!  
  
Crono: Actually, I just wanted to make sure the wall was alright. [he moves past Sephiroth and slowly begans to stroke the bricks] There there...  
  
Seifer: Is anybody else as disturbed as I am? [watching Crono]  
  
Aeris: [exited the bar, and sees Crono stroking the wall] .. [she sat there for a moment, then hurried over, well, as best as she could without falling over] ooh..did somebody hurt the wall...?  
  
Crono: Yes, Sephiroth hurt my wittle mally wally.  
  
Aeris: [she began to stroke the wall as well] Ohh...so big and strong.  
  
Cloud: Why thank you Aeris, I do appreciate your comme-  
  
Aeris: I was talking to the BRICK WALL, you're so inconsiderate Cloud  
  
Cloud: Maybe I do need that counseling with Sephiroth.....[watches Sephiroth go to the wall]  
  
Sephiroth: I'm sorry wall..I didn't mean to hurt you  
  
Cloud: ...  
  
Seifer: Aww..c'mere big guy [he tries to hug the wall]  
  
Cloud: .....  
  
Squall: [sniffles a few times] I love you wall..... [he moves over and puts a hand shyly upon it, blushing]  
  
Cloud: ..........  
  
Citan: [leaves the two Links' sides, and comes over to the wall] Stand aside, I'm a doctor!  
  
Cloud: .....................  
  
Crono: What's the diagnosis doc? TELL ME, I CAN HANDLE IT!  
  
Sephiroth: CAN YOU? YOU WANT THE TRUTH?! I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!  
  
Aeris: It's true, that's why you go crazy and kill everybody.  
  
Sephiroth: ..............................................................................................................what did you say?  
  
Aeris: nothing [she began to touch the wall more intimately] don't leave me my love.  
  
Cloud: ..............................  
  
Citan: No pulse, not breathing...I'm afraid this wall........is dead...   
  
Crono, Sephiroth, Aeris, Squall, and Seifer: NOOOOOOOOOOO!   
  
Cloud: ................................................................... Screw it, I'm not the one that needs counseling, You guys are.  
  
Squall: HOW CAN YOU BE SO HEARTLESS? (Author's Note: Haha Squall, you should talk)  
  
Young Link: That's just a stupid wall, Link is a real person and he's dead.  
  
[Crono, Sephiroth, Aeris, Squall, Seifer, and Citan all glare at Link]  
  
Link: No I'm not....  
  
Young Link: MEE!! [hugs him]  
  
Citan: It's a MIRACLE, Link came back to life. [coughs]  
  
Link: [hugs Young Link back] I was fine, but you grabbed me an- [Citan punches him in the face]  
  
Citan: Sorry, it was best for his condition.  
  
Young Link: ...............  
  
Sephiroth: What about the Wall doctor?!  
  
Citan: I think we can save it, DEFIB STAT! [points valiantly towards Crono]  
  
Crono: LIGHTNING! [casts magic upon the wall]  
  
Citan: It's not enough! we need more!  
  
Sephiroth: Stand aside Amateur, BOLT3 [A huge bolt of lightning strikes down and hits the wall]  
  
Citan: [feels the wall a bit more] He's alive!  
  
[Squall and Seifer hug, Crono and Citan shake each others hands, Cloud just stands there, utterly astonished]  
  
Aeris: Oh, don't ever leave me again..I'm so making love to you tonight  
  
[Everybody stops and looks over at Aeris, except for Young Link, who was around in chapter 3 to hear about Aeris' promiscuous behavior, and frankly just isn't surprised]  
  
Link: [he finally regains consciousness again] I'm gonna kill him.  
  
Young Link: MEE! [hugs him again]  
  
Link: [gets up to his feet, and glares over at Citan]  
  
Young Link: Whoa there big fella, save it for the bar [he drags Link into the mentioned place]  
  
Cloud: [follows shortly after, mumbling something about how he hates walls]  
  
Everybody else: [They spent a few more minutes comforting the wall. Some phrases mentionable were "I'm so glad you're back" and "Don't ever scare me like that again." They all run back to the bar and jump into the exact same spot they were before the force incident]  
  
Cloud: [looks around for Aeris, not seeing her, and then glances towards the door]  
  
Aeris: Oh Mr. Wall, you're so fine, so fine you blow my mind. [outside still, this time sitting, she was holding a glass of wine, and there was one in front of the wall as well]   
  
Young Link: [shakes his head sadly, and then glances around] I think there's a more important task at hand..The Battle of the Swords!  
  
Cloud: [glares at the wall]  
  
Sephiroth [glares at Cloud and then turns to Seifer]  
  
Seifer: [glares at Sephiroth, then turns to Squall]  
  
Squall: [looks hurt, and then glares at Link]  
  
Link: [glares at Squall, then turns to Citan]  
  
Citan: [glares at Link and then smiles to Crono]  
  
Crono: [winks at Citan and then turns to Cloud]  
  
Citan: .....  
  
Cloud: [turns back to the rest of the sword gang] It's time...to find out who's the best  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Can a wall and a human being have a relationship?  
Is Crono homosexual?  
Will Sephiroth give anymore of the plot of FF7 away before it happens?  
What's with more than one Final Fantasy?  
Is Link traumatized forever?  
Who the hell gave Citan his PhD?  
Tune in Next Time! 


	6. BRING IT ON! AGAIN

Last time we were here, Young Link had survived into the alternate past, and had changed time already by his presence by causing Squall and Seifer to arrive much earlier than planned. Onto the story!  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Cloud, Sephiroth, Crono, Citan, Squall, Seifer,and Link: [yell and scream and run at each other]  
  
Crono: HOLD IT! WHAT YEAR IS IT?  
  
Citan: It's the year 2000  
  
Squall: No it's not, it's the year 2003! you moron!  
  
Crono: You mean lavos has already attacked the outside world? while we sat here in this bar..  
  
Citan: Uh..no..  
  
Crono: !!!!! [spazzes out] That lousy gesper, stupid keeper of time  
  
Cloud: [grins evily at Citan, flaring up with an Aura around him]  
  
Sephiroth: [charges up at Crono] You'll die easier than Aeris will soon..  
  
Cloud: [looks at Sephiroth] ...what?  
  
Sephiroth: [slashes Crono] Errr..you didn't hear anything  
  
Crono: [blocks the first slash with a turn of his wrist and immediately retaliates with a vertical slash]  
  
Sephiroth: [reflects the blow, swords clanging as blade meets blade]  
  
Citan: [looks at Cloud boredly, tapping his foot in an invisble rhythm] Anytime now..  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah! OMNISLASH! [raises his sword at citan, his aura flaring up about him]  
  
Link: [stabs Cloud in the back while he's busy about to do omnislash, and laughed]  
  
Cloud: Gah, I knew that this omnislash thing wasn't a good idea [falls to the ground, clutching his back as pain echoed throughout his body]  
  
Young Link: GOO MEE! YES!   
  
Squall: [smacks Young Link on the head] shut up, you.  
  
Young Link: Oh yeah? you want a piece of this?  
  
Seifer: Kick his ass Squall!  
  
Squall: .....You don't hit kids SEIFER! [auras burst of up around him]  
  
Seifer: b-b-b-but you just! [backs away]  
  
Squall: [dives towards Seifer, jumping into the air as he slashes upwards]  
  
Seifer: [barely manages to raise the Hyperion in time to block such an attack] hah!  
  
Sephiroth: That was cheap link!! [charges at link, flying like a bullet]  
  
Cloud: [laying on the floor groaning loudly in pain] Sephiroth..having morals? Oh man, I must've been hit really hard  
  
Link: Sephiroth! Prepare to die! [spun around, sending his weapon through Sephiroth's mid section]  
  
Sephiroth: [gets cut in half and dies, in a spasm, his arm tosses up his sword, which lands stabbed into the ground]  
Ahh!  
  
Young Link: GO ME! GO ME! GO ME! [he puts on the Goron Mask, and suddenly becomes a huge rock beast] OH YEAH! THE RYTHYM IS HOT! FEEL THE BEAT! [jumps around, shaking the floor]  
  
Link: [watching the kid] Hahahaha! [dashed over to citan quickly] I am... [performing a quick slash at Citan]  
  
Citan: An idiot! [effortlessly counters the blow, knocking Link's sword back, and followed through with another slice]  
  
Link: Shut up old man [as Citan's arm flew down to deliver the blow, he slashed his other arm's tendant] I am Invincible!  
  
Citan: [clutches his wound for a moment, before slamming his sword down into link's shoulder]  
  
Young Link: [he casually steps over to Citan, and smacks him in the head]  
  
Citan: [drops like a rock] gahh!  
  
Young Link: What's up Doc? NOT YOU! ahahahahaha [giggles]  
  
Link: [starts laughing too]  
  
Squall and Seifer: [both facepalm]  
  
Crono: [dashed over past Link and Young Link, holding out his blade to slash both of them in a line] Both of you shut up!  
  
Link: AIIEE! [ducks and covers]  
  
Young Link: [the blade hits him and gets stuck in his side, yet he remains motionless] was that supposed to do something?  
  
Link: [blinks, stands up, gives the peace sign] AHAHAHA! I'm still alive, I'm invincible! OH YEAH!   
  
Cloud: I'd like to make mention the only reason you're alive is because of the little...big guy. [from the floor]  
  
Link: Listen, Cloud, you're just jealous cause you're not as damn hot as I am  
  
Citan: Shut up Link [he stood up] I'm 48 and I'm still hotter than you.  
  
Crono: Oh you're so not as hot as link, girlfriend [to Citan]  
  
[several people make looks at Crono]  
  
Citan and Crono: [a stare down began]  
  
Crono: [winks at Citan]  
  
Citan: ..... DIE! [rushes at him, a duel between Citan and Crono begins]  
  
Link: yes time for another cheap shot! [flew towards them, as if he weight nothing] I am invinc--[his foot caught on Cloud's body and tripped him up, sending falling flat on his face] GAH!  
  
Cloud: [regained his composure and laughed from his spot on the ground] So much for that invulnerabiltiy huh? [and he kipped to his feet, ready to fight once more]  
  
Squall: [motioned Cloud over] C'mon, it's you on me buddy!  
  
Seifer: YEAH, that's right Squall, KICK HIS ASS  
  
Squall: Get your own fight, pansy  
  
Seifer: [wonders off, and goes to the bar] Give me the hardest shit you've got  
  
Aeris: Now you're talking, I'll take what he's having!  
  
Squall: There's something you should know Cloud, ever since your game, I've been pimping Aeris!  
  
Cloud: HOW COULD YOU AERIS? [he storms over to the bar]  
  
Squall: That's not her name, she needed a hooker name, so she's now...AERITH!  
  
Cloud: wait..that's the same name of the hooker I slept with last night in the alley behind the bar.....!!!  
  
Aeris: How could you Cloud? [slaps him] WITH A HOOKER EVEN!  
  
Squall: [laughs his ass off]   
  
Cloud: .....it was YOU!  
  
Aeris: that's not excusable! we're supposed to be dating, and here you're hiring hookers!  
  
Cloud: .........  
  
Squall: [now doubled over in laughter]  
  
Crono: [stared as squall for a moment, and raised his eyebrows at him, before dismissing Citan] I've got a bigger fish to fry! [ran toward Cloud and fell over Link]  
  
Cloud: Squall! You shall perish! [his auras burst up enough to knock over Aeris' drink]  
  
Aeris: ...CLOOOUDD! [she began crying, she walked over to Crono, helped him up, and walked off with him] C'mon Crono, I have to go to the bathroom [she gave glances back at Cloud]  
  
Cloud: ha, like I have to worry, we all know Crono is...  
  
Seifer: hmm? Crono is what?  
  
Cloud: ya know? coughs  
  
Seifer: ....?  
  
Cloud: you know! he bats for the other team! scores in the wrong goal in soccer!  
  
Seifer: so he gets a little confused, we all have our off days  
  
Squall, Citan, and Cloud: ......  
  
Cloud: [lifted the Buster Sword up and threw it at Seifer, who was sitting at the bar]  
  
Seifer: [quickly threw his glass up and it shattered, but knocked the sword down] Dammnit! I really wanted that..  
  
Crono: [comes back out of the bathroom finally, grinning happily]   
  
Seifer: [he wonders over to Crono] YEAH MAN!  
  
Young Link: [was in the corner, as a kid again] My virgin ears! It was so sickening!  
  
Seifer: YOU GOT SOME! [holds up his hand for a high-five]  
  
Crono: Yeah I did, it was a great heart to heart talk. We discussed our feelings. [smiles]  
  
Young Link: [cringes, covering his ears again] it burns!  
  
Seifer: ........ [he backs away] ....!!!!! YOU RUN THE WRONG WAY WITH THE BALL! [runs off]  
  
Cloud: NOW YOU GET IT?!  
  
Seifer: well you made it so complicated..!  
  
Crono: [decided to make his move and fires off in a blur of speed] AHhhhhhhh!  
  
Cloud: oh shit! [swoops over and picks up the buster sword]  
  
Crono: [dashes at Squall and leaps past him and crictical double slashes Cloud's sword, breaking it in half]  
  
Cloud: Gah! [held his hand in disbelief, not from pain] This is not my day! First Aeris is a hooker! now this!  
  
Crono: [laughs cockily in a defiant gesture] Hahaha! I'll do what Link failed to do! Kill Cloud Strife!  
  
Cloud: NEVER! [glanced desperately back at his blade] C'mon Cloud use your head!..... [grins evily, and then sticks his hand in his pockets] Tell me Crono, what do I have in my pocket?  
  
Crono: Not fair! not fair! It must give us three guesses, yes my precious!  
  
Cloud: alright  
  
Crono: condoms!  
  
Cloud: no...I used my last one with Aer-that's none of your business!  
  
Squall: heh heh heh  
  
Crono: bubble gum?  
  
Cloud: Nope  
  
Crono: condoms?  
  
Squall: heh heh heh  
  
Cloud: ...you just asked THAT! SHUT UP... [glances over at Squall]  
  
Crono: dammnit!  
  
Cloud: [he tosses up a red orb in the air, he holds up his hand and catches it in mid-air] SUMMON!  
  
[Cloud dissapears into thin air]  
  
????: [suddenly a loud sound is heard as a giant yellow bird comes crashing through bar's door, with a mog riding his back] WARK!  
  
Link: HOLY SHNIT [from his spot on the floor, he rolls off to the side as the creature runs at Crono]  
  
Chocobo: [he crashes into crono and the mog goes flying off, and a big cloud of white smoke puffs up] UGH!  
  
Crono: ARGH! [goes flying off and lands against he wall]   
  
Chocobo: [glances around and sees mog laying on the bartop, drinking all the spilled liquor] !!! [he grabs mog with his beak and runs out the door]  
  
Link: HEY, THAT WASN'T A SWORD!  
  
Cloud: [he re-appears] eh ..it's close enough [he shrugged with a chuckle]  
  
Citan: [he rushes over to Crono] he's not breathing! We NEED to do CPR!  
  
Crono: Actually, I think I'm going to be fi---[gets cut off as citan pounds on his chest] AGH!  
  
Citan: [continues to do that, then leans over and applies his lips to crono's]  
  
Crono: [a smile forms over Crono's face, and he just sits there, not resisting]  
  
Citan: [notices Crono] bleh! [he begins coughing] This is all your fault Cloud, I had to kiss sleeping ugly. [he stood up and grabbed his katana, charging towards him]  
  
Cloud: [starts running off] aiee  
  
Citan: [gives chase] You're not so tough!  
  
Cloud: [suddenly turns around and jumps over Citan's head]  
  
Citan: What the heck? [keeps going forward, and crashes into a wall]  
  
Squall: C'mon Seif, I could use your help, let's take Cloud!  
  
Seifer: [stands up and lances off towards Cloud in sync with Squall] FOR MY DRINK!  
  
Cloud: SHIT! now what? I don't have the buster sword, it's busted! and they're coming at me! [watching the two rush him]  
  
[suddenly a giant flying beast crashes into the bar, and falls over on its side, it dies and leaves behind a sword]  
  
Bartender: ....... [is on the phone, mumbling is heard, something about roof repair]  
  
Cloud: [he picks up the blue and white sword] how utterly convenient!  
  
Cloud: [picks up the Ultima Weapon, and then the dead beast flashes red and shakes and dissapears into nothingness]   
  
Squall: X-Strike! [him and seifer rush up together]  
  
Crono: [blinks from his spot on the floor] LAWSUIT!  
  
Cloud: [dodges with a quick leap, and then does a forward mid-air flip, slashing Squall as he rushes past, and then lands, slashing Seifer on the other side as he comes by seconds later]  
  
Link: [after a long rest, began to stir, finally he became vertical again] haha! I'm still invincible! Oh yeah! Who's the champ?!  
  
Citan: [also stood up, brushing himself off]   
  
Link: [brought his sword up to his shoulder and sent it flying down towards Crono]  
  
Crono: [returned fire with his own attack into link's weapon, the clash was so hard that both swords break in half] ....  
  
Link: [almost weapt as the master sword was split and tossed the handle and stub away, and retreated to Sephiroth's sword plotted into the ground, removing it from it's stake] TWO KILLS FOR LINK!  
  
Young Link: NO, YOU FOOL!  
  
Crono: [backs away slowly in fear, he was defenseless] Is this the untimely end of Crono?  
  
Link: [raises the Masamune]  
  
Mysterious Voice: No, you get none. [steps out into the shadows revealing himself as Sephiroth]  
  
Link: Ahh! You're back from the dead!! [runs like a wussy out the door]  
  
Sephiroth: AHAHAHAHA! COME BACK! [chases him to the outside]  
  
Crono, Cloud, Citan, Squall, Seifer, and Young Link: [follow them outside]  
  
Link: WAIT A SEC! I've got your sword! Damn I'm a moron!  
  
Sephiroth: Finally, something we can agree on. but I think not, old friend [he sneered, and kicked harshly at Link's hand holding the masamune, causing it to fly into the air]  
  
Link: [held his beaten hand shakily in disbelief] n-n-noo  
  
Sephiroth: [caught the masamune by the handle and pointed it at Link] I knew those mako freak clones would come in handy!  
  
Link: [glanced to Sephiroth as if he still wasn't sure his existed, and drew the hylian shield to defend himself] No, you're dead..  
  
Sephiroth: Can a Dead man do this?! [his sword cut through the air, the shield falling into two]  
  
Link: [dropped his useless shield and stood there]  
  
IRS Agent: Did you know there's a tax on Clones? [looks at sephiroth]  
  
Sephiroth: ....You're still here?...   
  
IRS Agent: Hey, Where is your 23 kids?!  
  
Cloud and Crono and Citan: [they all stared at sephiroth]  
  
Sephiroth: ..uh..at a daycare!  
  
IRS Agent: 23 kids at a daycare?!  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah! [pushes the IRS agent onto his ass] Stop wasting my time, can't You see I'm busy with Link cowering in fear!  
  
IRS Agent: [runs off, only to be caught by Squall]  
  
Squall: Listen buddy, we have some unfinished business we need to talk about  
  
Seifer: KICK HIS ASS SQUALL!  
  
Squall: .....  
  
Young Link: Run Link! Run!  
  
Link: [he trembles and looks around, eyes filled with fear]  
  
Sephiroth: [he runs to Link, and stabs him in the chest]  
  
Link: [gasps, coughing, his breath cut short] ...  
  
Sephiroth: DIE Link! [pulls his sword out of him, and raises it far over his head, but is suddenly blasted from behind with a blast of red energy] gua!  
  
Cloud: FIRE! [Cloud yells as he blasts another energy into Sephiroth]  
  
Sephiroth: [he turns, the magic does nothing] ....what? you dare defend him? he is your enemy as well as mine!  
  
Cloud: [he sighs, and then steps forward] SEPHIROTH! YOUR FIGHT IS WITH ME! [he slams the Ultima Weapon into the ground]  
  
Sephiroth: [flares up in a massive energy blue aura that engulfs him] I am the choosen one. [his energies burst out, shaking the ground] Come, I shall take you to the promised land. [several meteors flare out of the air, and smash into Cloud, crushing his body]  
  
Cloud: [tossed around in a bloody mess]  
  
Sephiroth: [holds up his hand, and a giant ball of burning white flame appears above it, he drives it down with godly force into Cloud]  
  
Cloud: ........... [smoke covers the area as the ball crushes into the earth]  
  
Sephiroth: AHAHAHAHA..WHAT?! [glances to find Link hanging off the bar's roof, hookshot stuck into the overhang, Cloud in his arms]   
  
Link: Hey buddy, don't think this means anything, I'm just returning the favor [jumps down, dropping Cloud onto his feet] my debt is repaid. [he stumbles off to his younger self, and coughs again] I'm okay...  
  
Sephiroth: [he flares up again, preparing for another attack] Time to die! [he leaps at Cloud, slashing him hundreds of times in the torso in a matter of ten seconds]  
  
Cloud: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! [he coughs up blood onto the ground]  
  
Sephiroth: [with blurring speed, he raises the masmuné overhead, and swings it down towards Cloud] I WIN! THIS IS FOR YOU MOTHER!  
  
Mysterious Voice: NO! [Sephiroth's blade suddenly is deflected by metal, the clash is heard, and the mysterious defender counter-attacks, knocking Sephiroth back] I won't let you!  
  
Who is this mysterious person?  
Why is Aeris upset that Cloud slept with HER?  
Is Crono really homosexual?  
What is Squall's unfinished business with the IRS?  
Will I ever stop making this Fanfic? Should I?  
Tune in next time... 


	7. BoTS Encyclopedia

Battle of the Swords Encyclopedia:   
  
Jason Kaminari's Guide to help you understand the present and future of the Battle of the Swords Fanfiction.  
  
  
Contents:  
1. Particpants/Characters  
2. Swords  
3. Ability Expansion  
4. Terminology/Explanations.  
  
  
  
~*Particpants/Characters (In order of appearance):*~  
  
  
-----------------Characters Appearing in Chapter 1-----------------  
Name: Cloud Strife  
Purpose: Contestant in the Battle of the Swords.  
Sword: Ultima Weapon  
Alignment: Good guy  
Looks: Blonde Spiked hair (literally), blue eyes, black pants, blue shirt, one shoulder has an armor pad.  
Abilities: Limit Breaks, Use of magic with Materia. Able to Summon through materia.  
History: Main character from Final Fantasy 7, uses the Ultima Weapon, a sword which gets stronger with the higher HP he has (Hit Points; Health). Sephiroth is his ultimate enemy. He is a unsuccessful clone of Sephiroth. Together with a group of fighters, Cloud intends to beat Sephiroth (unfortunately for him..none of his actually decent fighting allies are here.)  
  
  
Name: Aeris Gainborough  
Purpose: Cloud's girlfriend, Not a contestant in the Battle of the Swords.  
Sword: None (non-fighter)   
Alignment: Good guy  
Looks: Brown hair, green eyes, long pink dress, red overcoat. CUTE ^_^  
Abilities: Various Limit Breaks, Use of magic through Materia. Able to Summon through Materia.  
History: Character from Final Fantasy 7, her and Cloud have a unofficial relationship in the game. Her white materia is one of the most valuable magical objects in the FF7 world and is used to summon "Holy". Usually uses a staff, so doesn't participate in battles in this fanfiction.   
  
  
Name: Sephiroth  
Purpose: Contestant in the Battle of the Swords  
Sword: Masamuné  
Alignment: Bad Guy  
Looks: Long silver hair, sleek, clad in all black.  
Abilities: Levitation, Summon "Meteor" and "Supernova", telekinetic powers.  
History: Ultimate Enemy from Final Fantasy 7, uses the Masmune. He found of his past in a library of research books, reveailng he is the "son" of Jenova, was not born, but created. Cloud is his atagonist (enemy).   
  
  
Name: Dr. Citan Uzuki  
Purpose: Contestant in the Battle of the Swords.  
Sword: Generic Sabre, all have weird names in the game.  
Alignment: Good Guy  
Looks: Brown hair, Brown eyes, wears green, glasses (actually cool looking ones)  
Abilities: Several Sword Combos, including Four Elemental ones: Rumble Earth, Festive Wind, Tsunami Ice, and Haze of Fire. Also can raise elemental defenses, inadvertantly lowering the resistance to the opposite element. (i.e. Fire Shield; Fire Defense Up, Water Defense Down)  
History: Character from XenoGears, an RPG involving Fighting/religion/Gears (really good game guys...rent it.) He is a small-village doctor who seems to know too much for his position. Swore he would never use a sword again, but took to the blade once more when he realized he could not stand by idly after returning to Solaris, his hometown.  
  
  
Name: Link  
Purpose: Contestant in the Battle of the Swords  
Sword: Master Sword  
Alignment: Good Guy  
Looks: Dirty blonde, left handed (YAY! Author is left handed.), green tunic, green elf -like hat.  
Abilities: Playing the Ocarina, Magical Whirl Slash.  
History: From the popular series of the Legend of Zelda, wields not only swords, but bows, magical powers, and an Ocarina. Saves the world many times in several different ways. It is believed by most gamers that the Zelda games take place in multiple dimensions, because he never recalls anything he's done before.  
  
  
Name: Crono   
Purpose: Contestant in the Battle of the Swords  
Sword: The Rainbow  
Alignment: Good guy  
Looks: Red spiked hair, clad in all blue, with a red bandana around his neck  
Abilities: Various Techs (single, double and triple. But cannot use double or triple since no other person from Chrono Trigger has arrived, yet.)  
History: Character from the extremely popular Chrono Trigger. Ends up saving the world with his own enemy and friends from a power so destructive that it effects multiple time periods at once. Crono posseses as ship that can time travel.  
  
  
Name: Luke Skywalker  
Purpose: Guess/Cameo Contestant in the Battle of the Swords  
Sword: Lightsaber; green. (cheeaater!)  
Alignment: Good Guy  
Looks: Mark Hamill-looking.  
Abilities: Various Force moves (i.e. Saber Throw)  
History: Main Hero from the Mega popular triology: Star Wars. Along with his lightsaber and the force, and some well placed shots, Luke manages to foil the plans of the Empire (an evil dictatorship over several planets) twice.  
  
  
Name: IRS Agent  
Purpose: To Indeit our characters, Not a contestant in the Battle of the Swords.  
Sword: None (Has a badge though)  
Aligment: Government Agent (That's about as evil as it gets, or misguided, whichever you prefer)  
Looks: Black suit. No other specifics.  
Abilities: To Indeit and pry into Character's personal lives. Can "summon" other Agents in a van to haul off our Characters.  
History: The IRS (Internal Revenue Service) is in charge of auditing and filing your taxes so the government will receive them. IRS Agents, this one in particular, investigate suspected tax fraud.   
  
---------Warning: Going Further on without reading Chapter 2 would be a Spoiler: Read on at own risk---------  
  
  
  
-----------------Characters Appearing in Chapter 2-----------------  
[None]  
  
----------Warning: Going Further on without reading Chapter 3 would be a spoiler: Read on at own risk---------  
  
  
  
-----------------Characters Appearing in Chapter 3-----------------  
Name: Squall Leonhart  
Purpose: Contestant in the Battle of the Swords  
Sword: Lionheart (GunBlade)  
Alignment: Good Guy  
Looks: Brown hair, brown eyes, Wears black pants, a black coat, and a white t-shirt. Also wears a necklace upon his neck with the "Lionheart" symbol.  
Abilities: Various Limit Breaks. Amazing powers to not care. Draw and Use magic. Use Guardian Forces.  
History: Character from Final Fantasy 8. He and his friends are part of an elusive group known as SeeD, who are dispatched to kill Sorceresses. Fights against not only a powerful Sorceress, but against Seifer-his misguided rival-as well.  
  
  
Name: Seifer Almasy  
Purpose: Contestant in the Battle of the Swords  
Sword: Hyperion (GunBlade)  
Alignment: Bad Guy  
Looks: Blonde hair, blue eyes, black pants and t-shirt, grey trenchcoat with no pockets, his "red cross" insignia is upon the back of the coat.  
Abilities: Various Sword Moves. Draw and Use magic.  
History: Misguided teenager and rival of Squall. Has tried several times to enter SeeD, but never has completed the Training Run required by the Garden (Academy where you train to become a SeeD). Becomes a Sorceress' Knight throughout most of FF8.  
  
  
Name: Child Link (Chibi-Link will work also, for you Japanese fans.)  
Purpose: Contestant in the Battle of the Swords  
Alignment: Good Guy  
Looks: Same as Link, except shorter.  
Abilities: Same as LInk, along with use of masks to shift into a Zora, Goron, and Deku Shrub. Can use other masks to modify/add abilties and attacks at the expense of impeeding others.  
History: Child who appears in the past of Ocarina of Time (N64), and in the entire Majora's Mask (N64). In Majora's Mask, he must use the Ocarina, and masks to solve problems within a world within a period of three days before the moon crashes into the planet.  
  
---------Warning: Going Further on without reading Chapter 4 would be a Spoiler: Read on at own risk---------  
  
  
  
-----------------Characters Appearing in Chapter 4-----------------  
[None]  
  
---------Warning: Going Further on without reading Chapter 5 would be a Spoiler: Read on at own risk---------  
  
  
  
-----------------Characters Appearing in Chapter 5-----------------  
[None]  
  
---------Warning: Going Further on without reading Chapter 6 would be a Spoiler: Read on at own risk---------  
  
  
  
-----------------Characters Appearing in Chapter 6-----------------  
[None]  
  
  
~*End of Character Section*~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*Swords used in this Fanfiction:*~  
  
  
-----------------Weapons Used in Chapter 1-----------------  
Name: Ultima Weapon  
Type of Sword: Broadsword  
User: Cloud Strife  
Origin: Carried by the Ultima Weapon (machine/beast), which Cloud kills.  
Elemental: None  
Special: Attack power varies along with HP of Cloud.  
  
  
Name: Masamuné  
Type of Sword: Nodachi  
User: Sephiroth  
Origin: Always used by Sephiroth.  
Elemental: None  
Special: None  
  
  
Name: Master Sword  
Type of Sword: Generic/magical  
User: Link  
Origin: Found in the Pedestal of Time, inside the Temple of Time.  
Elemental: None.  
Special: Used as a time traveling device along with the Pedestal of Time  
  
  
Name: Rainbow  
Type of Sword: Katana  
User: Crono  
Origin: Forged by Melchoir, using the rainbow shell material.  
Elemental: None  
Special: 70% critical hit rate  
  
  
Name: Lightsaber  
Type of Sword: Lightsaber  
User: Luke Skywalker, various Jedi Knights  
Origin: A handle is made with a crystal inside, which the light spectrates through, creating the almsot unstoppable pure energy blade.  
Elemental: None  
Special: Can be modified to be twice as long using two crystals.  
  
  
---------Warning: Going Further on without reading Chapter 2 would be a Spoiler: Read on at own risk---------  
  
  
  
-----------------Weapons Appearing in Chapter 2-----------------  
[None]  
  
---------Warning: Going Further on without reading Chapter 3 would be a Spoiler: Read on at own risk--------  
  
  
  
-----------------Weapons Appearing in Chapter 3-----------------  
Name: Kokiri Sword  
Type of Sword: Dagger (to Adults), Sword (to Link)  
User: Child Link  
Origin: Found in a treasure chest after climbing through a hole in the Kokiri training center.  
Elemental: None  
Special: None.  
  
  
Name: Lionheart  
Type of Sword: Gunblade  
User: Squall Leonhart  
Origin: Forged by Squall using several materials.  
Elemental: None  
Special: Enables Squall to use all his Limits, including the devastating "Lionheart". Can also shoot bullets.  
  
  
Name: Hyperion  
Type of Sword: Gunblade  
User: Seifer Almasy  
Origin: Always had it with him  
Elemental None:  
Special: Can also shoot bullets.  
  
---------Warning: Going Further on without reading Chapter 4 would be a Spoiler: Read on at own risk---------  
  
  
  
-----------------Weapons Appearing in Chapter 4-----------------  
[None]  
  
---------Warning: Going Further on without reading Chapter 5 would be a Spoiler: Read on at own risk---------  
  
  
  
-----------------Weapons Appearing in Chapter 5-----------------  
[None]  
  
---------Warning: Going Further on without reading Chapter 6 would be a Spoiler: Read on at own risk---------  
  
  
  
-----------------Weapons Appearing in Chapter 6-----------------  
[None]  
  
~*End of Weapons Section*~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*Ability Expansion (mostly for the gaming-impaired, good for guys who don't know much about the games)*~  
  
-Cloud Strife's Limit Breaks-  
Braver- Cloud leaps up and overhead slashes a single enemy  
Cross-slash- Cloud runs to an enemy, and slashes him three times consecutively.  
Blade Beam- Cloud fires a beam from his blade into an enemy, smaller beams emit from target into other enemies, beams keep emitting until all enemies are hit, the more levels of beams that have been emitted, the weaker the damage.  
ClimHazzard- Cloud stabs his sword into the enemy, and then leaps up, cutting up through their torso  
Meteorain- Cloud leaps up into the air and swings his sword around, causing meteors to fall upon a group.  
Finishing Touch- Cloud waves his sword around, causing a tornado of wind that may instantly kill  
Omnislash- Cloud flares up and slashes a group (or one) enemy(s) approximately seventeen times.  
  
  
-Aeris Gainsborough's Limit Breaks-  
Healing Wind- Heals Allies  
Seal Evil- May petrify enemies  
Breath of Earth- Cures Any Negative Statuses  
Fury Brand- Gives other characters their Limit Breaks.  
Planet Protector- Forms a barrier around everyone, making them temporarily invincible.  
Pulse of Life- Completely Cures all ailments, HP, and MP of party.  
Great Gospel- Temporarily makes party Invincible and fully healed in all aspects.  
  
  
-Squall Leonhart's Limit Breaks-  
Rough Divide- Squall runs up and slashes up into his enemy  
Faded Circle- Squall leaps into the air, twirling around to emit a shockwave that hits all enemies.   
Blasting Zone- Squall's gunblade emits a massive beam of energy into enemies.  
Lionheart- Squall rushes his opponent (one only, unlike Omnislash) and slashes him too many times.  
  
  
-Seifer Almasy's Limit Breaks-   
Fire Cross- Seifer shoots a fire spell, then slashes the opponent.  
Demon Blade- Seifer rushes an opponent and slashes him three times.  
(I'm working on finding the others)  
  
  
-Cloud's Summons-  
Choco/Mog- Wind Element, Chocobo charges into enemies with mog on his back, OR Fat chocobo lands on enemies.   
Ramuh- Thunder Element, Calls upon creator to shock enemies  
Shiva- Ice Element, Calls upon Spirit of Ice to freeze enemies  
Ifrit- Fire Element, Calls upon Spirit of Fire to burn enemies  
Titan- Earth Element, Calls upon Spirt of Earth to upturn the ground beneath enemies.  
Bahamut- Non-element, king of the dragons shoots a flare at enemies  
Kjata- Multi-elemental, many forms of elemental spirits called  
Leviathan- Water-element, Serpent Spirit of Water creates a tidal wave  
Alexander- Holy Element, Machine of Holiness annihilates Enemies in beams of light.  
Phoenix- Fire Element, Summons Firey Bird, fire damage attack, revives all fallen allies.  
Hades- 4000 damage (rigged), Random Negative Statuses.  
Neo Bahamut- Non-element, King of the Dragons raises enemies up and beams them and the platform, causing them to drop back down to the ground.  
Odin- Non-element, Calls upon the Norse God Odin to slash enemies in half (instant kill), or to send a lance of judgement into a single enemy  
Typhoon- Wind Element, Weird demon sneezes a wind storm up.  
Bahamut Zero- Non-element, King of the Dragons returns in space to blast a large beam into enemies  
Knights of Round- Non-element, knights of the round table and Arthur attack enemies (14 hits of damage)   
  
  
-Aeris' Summons-  
Choco/Mog, Ramuh, Shiva, Ifrit, Titan, Bahamut  
Holy- Holy Element, Ultimate Summon of light  
  
  
-Sephiroth's Summons-  
Meteor- Summon Meteor to destroy the planet  
Supernova- Summons a blast of energy that annihilates the universe planet by planet.  
  
  
-Citan's Sword Combos-  
(Too many normal sword combos to name off hand)  
Rumble Earth- Earth Elemented.  
Haze of Fire- Fire Elemented  
Festive Wind- Wind elemented  
Tsunami Ice- Ice Elemented  
(more coming)  
  
  
-Citan's Abilities-  
Earth Shield- Earth defense up, wind down  
Fire Shield- Fire up, water down  
Wind Shield- Wind up, Earth down  
Water Shield- Water up, fire down  
(more coming soon)  
  
  
-Link's Songs On his Ocarina (revelant ones at least)-  
Song of Soaring- Transports him to various locations  
Song of Healing- calms the soul of a being.  
Song of Time:  
In Ocarina of Time- Dissipates certain blocks, opens temple of time  
In Majora's Mask- Resets time back 3 days   
  
Song of Double Time- Skips time ahead to 6:00 pm or 6:00 am (whichever is closer)  
Inverted Song of Time- Slows down time to .5x (half) speed  
Oath to Order- Summons Released Giants to assist Link  
Epona's Song- Used to call Epona, Link's horse/pony (depending on his age)  
Scarecrow's Song- Used to call upon a Scarecrow, who Link can use along with his hookshot (a small devide that shoots out a grappling chain, then pulls Link to where it shot/stuck into) to reach new areas.  
Song of Storms- Make it rain wherever (indoors..outdoors...who cares?!)  
Sun's Song- Shift day to night; night to day, stun the undead.  
Prelude of Light- Used by Link to transport himself directly to the Temple of Time, where he can use the Master Sword and the Pedestal of time to switch between Adult and Child Link.  
  
  
-Link's Various Gadgets-  
(A)- Usable by Adult Link  
(C)- Usable by Child LInk  
  
Bow (A,C)- It's a bow...that's all.  
Arrow- Normal Arrows  
Fire Arrow- Arrows with fire elemental  
Ice Arrow- Arrows with ice elemental  
Light Arrow- Arrows with light emental  
  
Slingshot (C)- Y-shaped stick with elastic band, can shoot Deku Seeds, which stun enemies/damage.  
Hookshot (A,C)- device that shoots out grappling chain, lodges into certain objects/ surfaces and pulls Link to where it shot/stuck into.  
Longshot (A)-Hookshot with a much longer reach  
Lens of Truth (A,C)- Allows him to see invisible objects/sprits.  
Bombs (A,C)- Blow up stuff..yea!  
Boomerang (C)- Projectile that is thrown and comes back, used to damage and stun enemies, and retrive certain objects such as money and heart (life) pieces.  
Magic Crystals (A,C)- Magical Crystals used for magic by Link.  
Din's Fire- Radius of Fire engulfs enemies  
Farore's Wind- Used to mark a place, then teleport Link back to it later (only in dungeons)  
Nayru's Love- Used to make Link temporarily Invincible  
(more to come)  
  
  
-Child Link's Masks (ones he'll use at least)-  
Transformation Masks:  
Deku Mask- Transform into Deku shrub, who can shoot bubbles, and glide on flowers  
Goron Mask- Transform into Goron, a rolling heavy hitting creature with a rock-hard back. Luckily, the somewhat dimwitted brain of the Goron is not included.  
Zora Mask- Transform into the Zora, underwater creature with arm blades, and the ability to use an electric shield  
Fierce Deity- Transform into Dark Adult Link, with wicked sword that fires magical beams.  
  
Regular Masks:   
Mask of Truth: Allows Link to read people's thoughts  
Bunny Hood- Doubles Link's foot speed  
Stone Mask- Become like stone, unimportant; ignored by enemies  
Giant's Mask- Non-transformation mask (yet transforms) that enlarges Link to a giant size.   
Captain's Hat- Wear the face of Keeta to control the undread skeleton forces  
Garo's Mask- Summon Dark cloaked Ninjas with dual blades to do your work and give you hints.  
Mummy's Mask- Control the undead, make them dance for a distraction  
  
  
-Squall's Guardian Forces-  
Quetzacoatl- Electric Element, Summons Electric Bird to create a thunderstorm on enemies  
Shiva- Ice Element, Summons Spirit of Ice to freeze enemies  
Ifrit- Fire Element, Summons spirit of fire to burn enemies  
Siren- Non-element, Summons a Siren to sing a song, damaging and silencing enemies  
Brothers- Earth Element, Summons Minotaur and Sacred to fight and blast a chunk of rock into enemies.  
Alexander- Holy Element, Summons a Holy Machine to blast enemies with holy beams.  
Cerberus- Non-Element, Summons the Hound of Hell to cast Double and Triple on entire team, allowing them to use cast more than one spell per turn.  
DoomTrain- Poison Element, Summons Doomtrain to bash into your enemies, many abnormal statuses inflicted.  
Cactuar- Non-Element, Summons giant Cautaur that does a rigged amount of damage of 100x its level (1 to 100)  
Tonberry King- Non-Element, Summons the Tonberry king to come out and poke the enemy with a knife.  
Bahamut- Non-element, Summons the King of the Dragons to launch several flares into enemy group (one hit)  
Eden- Non-element, Summons Eden, a spacestation to use a devastating beam attack.  
  
  
~*End of Ability Expansion Section*~  
  
  
  
  
  
~*Terminology/Explanations*~  
  
-Limit Breaks: Limits breaks are Abilities used by Final Fantasy characters in games 6-8. They are special attacks unique to characters. In Final Fantasy 7, damage taken raises a bar which when filled, allows you to use a limit break. In Final Fantasy 8, the lower your HP (Hit Points; Health) was, the more likely you were to get a chance to use a limit break. Several Characters use Limit Breaks in this fanfiction.  
  
-Summons: Summons are used throughout almost all Final Fantasy games. They are best known as Spirits who can be magically called during battle to aid and assist the team. Though most famous in Final Fantasy, they are also used in other games. Some well-known summons include: Bahamut, Ifrit and Shiva (which are in a lot of games.) In Final Fantasy 7, you can use summons while the respective materia is equipped to a character, Summons usually cost A LOT of Magic Points, which is why you cannot use them constantly.  
  
  
-Guardian Forces: Squaresoft's more interesting version of Summons used in FF8. Guardian Forces are spirits that no longer use MP, but have a compability with your character, the better the compability, the faster the Spirit comes (a bar represents the time remaining before spirit comes), not only do they no longer have a penalty for using them, but they also have their own HP, in which they can take damage for you while they're waiting to be called. This is both an advantage and disadvantage. Advantage: They can take severe hits for you and your character will not suffer. Disadvantage: Too big of a hit will bring their HP to 0, disabling from being called until you use an item to revive them back, or until you stay at an Inn/Rest.  
  
  
-Link's Masks: Link's Mask are used in Majoar's Mask to assist him in doing several different quests and solve puzzles in the game. There are twenty four masks in total. Four are transformation masks, and twenty are masks that do various things, like enabling Link to run faster, march as a one-person band, be ignored by enemies, control the undead, summon Ninjas.  
  
  
-Extended Information: Masmuné: The Masamuné is not only used by Sephiroth, but in many Squaresoft games and in a lot of other Video games as well. It is also used in Chrono Trigger, Chrono Cross and several other games.  
  
  
-Extended Information: Ultima Weapon: Not just used by Cloud, but is the ultimate weapon in several of the other final fantasies, and a very strong weapon in others when is it not the best. It has two forms in FF9, being both a sword, and a swallow.  
  
  
-Epoch: The time traveling ship build by Balthasaur (a sage) in Crono Trigger, it can also fire missiles and fly, though Crono and the team did not attach the weapons or the wings, it was taken from them and modified to be a general's personal ship. Though well-equipped, the team rarely uses the weapons (only once I believe.)  
  
  
-SeeD and Garden: Garden is an academy where people and children go to train to become SeeDs, an elite group of Sorceress Hunters. Balamb Garden is where Squall and Seifer are both from. It is a very technologically advanced place including propulsion elevators, and a very interesting hover system that makes it mobile.  
  
  
-Elements: How to explain elements.....Elements are forces of nature (well..not so much in final fantasy as they expand a little beyond normal). The following is a list of known elements (from games): Fire, Ice, Water, Thunder, Poison, Dark, Holy, Moon, Gravity, Earth, Nature, Wood, and Wind. Each element trumps another and so forth, I have neither the time or attention span to write out the whole chart dealie ^_^;.  
  
  
-Ocarina: A small flute-like instrument. It may have anwhere from 4 to 6 holes for different notes. There are actually two version of Ocarinas in the Zelda Games, the Ocarina of Time is the only one capable of harnessing the power of the Song of Time, while the other cannot.  
  
  
-Magic: Magic is..well..magic. It is one's ability to call forth energies of the earth and elements. There are many many many kinds of magic in RPGs and all Genres of games. Different games have different systems of magic.  
Magic is probably the most-used aspect of an RPG game.  
  
  
-Use of Magic through Materia: In Final Fantasy 7, a character must equip a materia to their weapon or armor to allow them to use it in battle. Cloud and Aeris use this method in the fanfiction. Materia have growth levels are can learn other spells as they gain more AP (ability points), which are recieved after most battles. There are a few times of Materia:  
-Summon (Red) Materia: Equips Characters with "Summons" (i.e. Ifrit, Bahamut)  
-Magic (Green) Materia: Equips Characters with Basic Magic (i.e. fire, flare, death)  
-Command (Yellow) Materia: Equips Character with new commands (i.e. Toss, Deathblow)  
-Support (Blue) Materia: Equips Characters with support abilities (i.e. Quadra Magic, All)  
-Independant (Purple) Materia: Equips Characters with skills (CounterAttack, Cover)  
*Note: Only Summon and Magic materia use MP. Command, Support, and Independant just modify character statistics and abilities.*  
  
  
-Use of Magic through Drawing: In Final Fantasy 8, Characters draw magic out from enemies, and can carry a stock of 99 of aproximately 20 different spells. Enemies may draw magic from you, but it is very rare. Squall and Seifer use this kind of magic method in the fanfiction. There is no MP in the FF8 Draw System.   
  
  
-Use of Magic: Natural way. Most Games' characters learn magic this way, by becoming stronger and inherently learning spells as they go along, more than likely at certain levels. Because it would be cheap to use magic continuously, Magic Points were invented. Spells and Summons (if there are summons) take up Magic Points and therefore limit and constrict your use.  
  
  
~*End of Terminology/Explanations*~  
  
  
  
  
Special thanks to:  
  
Zach Kaiser for reminding me that Melchoir was the one who forged the Rainbow (I just couldn't remember).  
Josh Berkholz for reminding me of Aeris' Limit Breaks (he has a strategy guide..the cheater.)  
  
And Finally..My readers! who if you've actually read to the special thanks....you deserve it..because this thing is long and only getting longer as the chapters roll in. 


	8. BoTS Wallpaper

Hey guys, I got kind've bored so I created my own Battle of the Swords wallpaper, unfortunately Fanfiction.net doesn't allow me to link you to it, so I'm just gonna provide you the address for it.   
  
Just highlight, copy (Ctrl+C) and Paste (Ctrl+V) this address into your address bar:  
http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/areskaminari/SwrdFnFic.jpg  
  
Right click the image and click either "Save As.." or "Set as Wallpaper" (easier)  
*If you choose to "Save As..", For Win95/98, I reccomend choosing a bitmap format.  
*If you choose to "Save As..", For Win2000,ME, and XP, I reccomend leaving it a jpeg. 


End file.
